Shoe laces and zippers -a class problem

 I remember hearing this solemn advice more than a few times: " People

        judge you by your appearance ". Motivated by this warning , several times a

        year I shop at the K- mart. I buy new dungarees and new shoes. I pay about

        $25 for the dungarees and about the same for the shoes. If I paid any less

        for the shoes, I risk looking like I just left prison with $10 in my pocket

        and a rent voucher for the YMCA. My thick,wild unruly hair also contributes to

        the ex-con look ( every season I get a haircut to counter that impression )

           I'm glad yesterday was not Judgment Day based on personal appearance. Those

        new genes I buy invariably have an embarrassing problem : the zipper will not

        stay up. And those cheap but not too cheap shoes also have a problem : the

        glazed shoes laces are always coming untied- as if deliberately, to let the

        whole world know just what a schlmiel I am.

            So at noontime I find myself standing foolishly in front of Gay Bar in

        downtown Providence, with my zipper down and my shoe laces untied. The moisture

        in the air dischevels my hair. And my watch band has just broke.

           No I will not apply today for the presidency of Brown University !, I tell

        myself.