From my QUORA this morning [ The hardest addiction to overcome -romantic love ? ]

Which addiction is the most difficult to overcome? [I have seen a few friends struggle with different addictions like drugs and alcohol, but most recently I have seen more of my friends, and some family members, suffer from one that is not often considered. Romantic relationships. Maybe it’s the increasing isolation many of us feel, but rather than look inward and try to deal with the loneliness and self-loathing, they outsource the patch for those feelings to their romantic partners. This isn’t sustainable because it’s a heavy load for a partner to have to carry, especially if the partner is outsourcing that same patch themselves. Feeling validated and loved as you are is a wonderful feeling. Feeling those things when you can’t be alone with your own thoughts or you don’t like who you are is addictive because those feelings go away for a time, the same as with any self-medicating behaviours. Many of these relationships fall apart when the honeymoon phase is over, because those bad feelings creep back in and they need to move onto the next relationship to feel it again. Oftentimes these relationships overlap or the next one happens very quickly. The romantic feelings and attachment are also usually very fast and intense. Sometimes, the lack of self respect involved in feelings of desperation can make these people do desperate things or put up with a lot of poor treatment, which contributes to the self loathing and loneliness. Sometimes friends and family distance themselves because they’re tired of watching it happen over and over, and having to meet and embrace partner after partner, as the addict insists this one is THE one. One of my family members was engaged seven times and married twice before he was 40. The new relationships were always in the works before the current one ended. We could always tell when the current relationship was ending when his grooming changed and there was substantial weight loss and new clothing. He seems to have finally settled down with his person, and yes, they are engaged. I have also seen some of my friends and family go through emotional crashes with their new partners if they don’t get to seem them for a day. The separation looks a lot like the withdrawal symptoms I’ve seen in drug and alcohol addictions. I imagine it’s a lot more comfortable for an addict to get another fix than it is to deal with the underlying reasons for the addiction. Why dig deeply into painful experiences and traumas when you can just feel better immediately? My heart always breaks for them because I know how hard it is to lose someone you love, but the added panic about being alone must be unbearable for them.] 4.2M views View 1,537 upvotes View 33 shares 1 of 91 answers 383 comments from Patty Harner and more