Old age and BORED at 39

Life has gotten so much worse to me when I've gotten older, is it like this for most people?

[  "I'll be 39 soon, very much in the early stages of what I consider to be middle aged.

I'm reasonably financially secure and have the privilege of not really having to worry about money except to indulge my financially conservative (stingy) nature.

I'm probably in better overall health and shape now than I've ever been. I haven't smoked in nearly a decade, my alcohol consumption is pretty minimal by the standards of society in general, I tend to eat fairly well in the sense of having a balanced diet, and I work out fairly intensively three to four times a week.

I work for myself and therefore don't have to answer to, or take responsibility for, anybody but myself. That's definitely a good thing.

In that sense, my life is alright. Nothing remarkable but comfortable. I'm sure a lot of people would love to have the minimal levels of stress from life stuff that I have.

But, I am incredibly bored and probably, as a result of that, incredibly boring.

I am having a midlife crisis but am too stubborn to resort to clichés.

I fantasise about being in my 20s and having the freedom to basically do what I want when I want. To be able to apply for a job in another country with barely a thought and to get that job and move. To be able to just go and meet a mate for a drink on a Thursday. To be able to go the cinema at 2 o'clock in the afternoon. To be able to just sit in the park or at the beach and read a book for a few hours. To be able to go to bed at 3am and wake up at 12pm.

I may have been relatively poor and aimless in my 20s, but I was free.

Now, I don't feel free. I have too many responsibilities to other people to truly feel free.

And that makes me sad. I look lugubrious and/or haggered.

Like, it's fine. The kids will be all grown up before I know it and then I'll be sad that they're not little bundles of energy anymore and I'll have more time than I know what to do with…

But, I'm getting old. And I'll never be as young again as I am right now." ]

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