No. No, there is no point to life after 30. My thirties were the dumbest, most wasted years of my life in which I made more mistakes than in all the other years combined.
Luckily, things really started looking up in my 40s again, so my advice is to get through your 30s with as much good judgement and reason as you can, because they can pull all sorts of tricks on you if you don't watch it.
Before you know it, you get yourself married and interred in debt buying cars and holidays and houses, happy to face 37 years of mortgage and misery with obtuse in-laws and all sorts of homies and a big fluffy dog to pay it all off.
That's the trap of the 30s.
It took me some major upheaval to get rid of all that, and I don't wish it on anyone, so be very careful once the big 3 looms large. Start nothing you couldn't walk away from with minimal damage. Ever. No matter how much everyone is playing the violin and putting the Bambi eyes on you.
The 30s is when you've got the needs and the money to satisfy them, and everybody knows it, and they will pounce on you and take you to the cleaners.
This answer made me smile. Some of us do make big mistakes in our 30's that we pay for—sometimes, forever. And many of us are fortunate.
I guess I fit perfectly into the "trapped" model you describe, Chris. Married at 28, bought a house. 33 now, with 2 kids, a car, 25 years of mortgage ahead of me and a job that's "I don't actually dislike my job" at best.
But guess what; I've never felt better about myself. My twenties were filled with parties, lots of friends coming over. Booze. Weed. Lots of time for myself. That's the fond memories.
It was also a time of great self-doubt. Not knowing where to go. Not knowing what I wanted. Living for the day and telling myself I liked it that way. Of failed dating, of loneliness, of lacking purpose and of substance abuse. Of renting a shack in the inner city for a ton of money, money that went straight to the landlord at the end of the month.
Marriage, kids and a mortgage has brought me determination, joy, pride, dignity and a purpose in life. Theres no melodramatic questioning of why I wake up at 6am to work my ass off every day when you have a family to feed. I willingly sacrifise my spare time, my past (often unrealistic) dreams, and all of that drinking and partying to give every day my full 100% to provide for my family.
And I don't feel trapped at all.
Good human relations are priceless, and congratulations on having that aspect in order. That is the thing that will make it all worthwhile. I just wasn't that lucky. :)
Exactly my life Laurence. But additionally to my 2 kids, there are another 2 dogs who demands my Attention.
But still i was never happier. Sometimes i wish i could feel "bored" again like in my 20's… just for one day. Lol
As a 29 year old I appreciate the advice. I really still do not see the point in marriage, buying a house or having kids yet. Maybe some day I will. But many in my generation are starting to.
It's often the natural dynamics of things that dictate the timeline. I think the ideal way out of the trap is to spend your thirties free and thriving, also financially, so that you can buy a mortgage free home. Then, if the family thing still tempts, children can still be had. Forty is the new 25, I thi
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Point in having your own house/flat is that paying mortgage is cheaper than paying rent to somebody and house is never yours. I take mortgage as a form of saving money and living in rented flat as throwing money away. Of course does not apply for everyone, people with low income does not meet requirement
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ReplyDeleteHow many young people in or after college encounter serious critical views of " Marriage & Family ". To what degree are these most natural institutions -which offer most people the only LOVE they will ever get on this side of paradise- corrupted by the exploitive , oppressive capitalist system. Even though celibacy is a toxic from a Freudian point of view it was wise institutional demand on Catholic priests for centuries. Holy Mother Church did not have to compete with THE WIFE or THE MOTHER IN LAW ! All PRIVATE PROPERTY retained by the Church.