" Certified Mail " panic attack

I hate getting "  YOU GOT MAIL " - that is, CERTIFIED MAIL -

    messages on a Friday. That gives me all week-end to imagine the worst,

    as the post office is closed until 10 A.M.  Monday morning.

              I  stared at the sinister message , standing dazed in front

    of my mail box.  A law suit ? A moment of empathy with  Providence

    Mayor, "  Buddy " Cianci : the  miserable waiting game. " Is there a

    jail cell in my future ? "

               Monday morning arrives. The CERTIFIED mail is from the insurance

    agency of a company I work for - part time. I learn that my claim for

    workers compensation has been denied. Sob ?  No, only one problem here:

    I NEVER  even applied for workers compensation. I never ever claimed that

    I had a work related injury.

                  How could a report like that go unverified , pass  through

    higher and higher levels of bureaucracy all the way to the insurance agency

    which having no FACTS to consider, must necessarily deny the claim ?

                The next Friday I get a letter from my lawyer, John Revens

    in Warwick: My claim for workers compensation is undermining a civil suit

    in which I am involved.

           I fax Revens denying I ever made a ILLEGAL claim for workers

    compensation. I call the office of  Rhode Island Workers Compensation.

    They ask for my social security number:  037-32-6384.

                 In so many words : " You did make a first claim for workers

    compensation. A dog  attacked you on the job ".

                  " No I never ever made a claim that I was injured on the

    job ".

                 Then more bureaucratic idiocy : " We will say you called, sir "

            How about  INVESTIGATING the matter. FALSE information sent to

    a state agency, I believe, is a felonious matter.

                  It seems that somebody in the company - somebody both

    stupid and crooked - did this  FAVOR for me.

                A police report and a hospital report - and witnesses at

    the job site - will show beyond a doubt the Rhode Island Workers Compensation

    has a FALSE report on me.

                  Erase the infamy ! And find the culprit ! I will involve

    the State Police and the FBI  - and John Edward - the psychic.